When Someone at your Church Acts like a Turkey

This post is for church goers.

It´s for those who have been offended by someone´s behavior in church or on church property.

I am writing this post because sometimes we need to discuss these very human and common experiences in church life. Some things just need to be said.

Church is full of humans. Not humanoids, not robots....but flesh and blood humans.

Of course it can hurt when someone offends you in your own church. You are a human being with a soft heart.....of course you are going to get your feelings hurt sometimes. If you never were disappointed or offended in some way, I would wonder if you were truly human. To be human is to feel . To be human is to experience all kinds of feelings, not just the happy feelings.....and that is ok. I believe that part of God´s healing power in us shows up in melting our stony hearts so that we can feel deeply again. Feeling deeply is a blessing....even when sometimes the emotions we feel include feeling hurt or disappointed.

Church is no different than any other public place filled with human beings. The difference is that we may have different expectations for behavior in church spaces. We expect kindness, gentleness, generosity and a certain amount of familiarity, especially if it is a church that we attend regularly and consider a significant part of our lives.

Here comes the hard part. Sometimes we go to church without getting a chance to prepare our hearts to worship God. We lose focus on why we go to church. We start looking at the people in the church instead of tuning our hearts in a spiritual way towards our Maker. 

We may have been in a rush to get there on time....we may have lost one sock out of a pair of socks, and could´t find the car keys.... or realize that when we got in the car, that we were out of gas. Maybe the cat missed the litter box. It happens.

 Perhaps we had hoped to bring a generous gift to the church only to realize that we didn´t have any money that day to give. We didn´t want to come to church empty handed, but that is how life rolled that day. Life, just like church life,... is sometimes full of  disappointments, hasty occasions, and awkward experiences.

When I was a teenager, I recall showing up at school with a dryer sheet sticking out the bottom of my pant leg. How embarrassing! But I survived and now giggle about it. So too, all kinds of embarrassing things can happen at church. Sometimes we just have to grin and bear it and carry on. Don´t let something silly keep you from attending church to worship your God.

There are a million different reasons why we may arrive at church in a ¨less than ideal¨ frame of mind. But that doesn´t make it hurt less when we experience a ¨less than friendly¨ event. Just knowing and acknowledging our human frailty makes us more understanding of those who may act out. Sometimes folks are going through things, things that we don´t know about and can´t possibly understand.

 As much as it may be very difficult to do ... sometimes we just need to let things go..... We can choose to overlook an insult and accept a lame excuse for rude behavior. 

 Sometimes we need to learn how to not hang on to an offense, even when the experience really hurt or offended us. To  let go of any offense, doesn´t mean it didn´t happen. To overlook an offense, just means we are disciplining our hearts and not reacting to someone´s bad behavior. We are choosing to be gracious and to keep our eyes on the prize. Who is the prize? Who is the prize? Your holy God....Jesus.

Churches are full of human beings, living in an imperfect world.

Chin up, brothers and sisters, you will make it through. You will still belong to the Kingdom of God, even if you experience something imperfect in a church space. And the beautiful thing is....is when we choose to forgive someone else for their insensitivity, we will also be forgiven for our own mistakes. Grace begets more grace. Forgiveness begets more forgiveness.

So maybe someone uttered something under their breath that you weren´t supposed to hear. Maybe someone didn´t greet you politely. Maybe someone didn´t show proper respect for the contributions, financial or otherwise... that you have given into the church. Maybe someone forgot your name or your child´s name. Maybe they spelled it wrong. Perhaps someone didn´t acknowledge an event in your life that you thought they should have remembered. It happens. You will survive. Don´t give up on God or on being a part of His kingdom just because you have noticed some failings.

Maybe someone that you have been praying for...for months, cuts you off in the parking lot. Maybe they didn´t hold the door open for you or a family member. Maybe they cut short your conversation to go talk to someone else. Maybe they ignored you...or didn´t return your phone call. Maybe they didn´t respond to your attempt at a friendly greeting. You will survive. You will get over it.

It just might be time to pray. If you are a sensitive person, you may feel things more deeply than others do. Since you are a person of faith, you have a Spiritual  Savior that you can speak to about this or some other awkward church event. Talk it over in your prayer time with your God. He can hear you. He loves you. He cares.

He just may give you an understanding of what went on that day....or He might say...¨Trust Me my child, because  there is so much at stake right now¨. Stay peaceful. Don´t give up your place in His kingdom. Stay humble.

Now, I must mention the other side of this issue....just to be fair.

 There are times, where, if you have experienced something really bad at church, that you need to speak up. You may start by speaking with your spouse or your parent, or a good friend about the situation. You may need to go to one of the church leaders and get their perspective on what has gone on. Is there something going on that needs to be addressed by church leadership? Is your safety or the safety of another church member under threat?

Some things are important and not to be overlooked. Try to handle sensitive issues in a respectful and confidential manner, without putting your own safety at risk.

Pray for God´s wisdom. Pray to discern what you should overlook and what must be addressed. Wisdom is the principal thing.

Lastly, I think of the verse.....

Matthew 18:21 and 22 (ESV)

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

In closing. Whether what you have experienced in church was good or bad or a mixture of both, I pray that you will be given the grace to carry on. I pray that you will be given the spiritual power to observe the bible verse pasted above.....and be able to forgive all,....both small or great offenses. For those of you who have been offended more than once, I pray that you will have the power, the raw spiritual power, to forgive fully and completely...so that your heart will become free and healthy enough to live fully and laugh with joy. I pray that you will be able to experience every good thing that God has for you and your family.

I pray that you will carry on and not give up on being a part of the modern church family. We are on a journey together whether we like it or not. We are aiming for Heaven.

Peace, my brothers and sisters....thanks for listening.

Carla.

What the Church Does Right and What It Wrecks

i have had the privilege as well as the challenge of being in churches throughout much of my life.

Therefore, my perspective includes the beauty, the grace, the courage , the power and the intelligence that comes from being a part of a christian church. I am always grateful for being introduced to the study of the holy bible from a very very young age. My childhood was filled with adults who took  the time to read the holy bible aloud to our family on a regular basis..

So what are the challenges that growing up in a "churchy" lifestyle bring? How could something so beautiful and gracious bring any challenges at all?

Well, for today I am just going to keep it short. I will list simply 5 reasons that a religious background can sometimes bring struggles that others from different backgrounds do not struggle with.

1/ A sense that it is not "right" to be ambitious or pursue your own self created goals. Religious mindsets often preach the idea that followers of God must allow God to form their future, and therefore seem to send a message to their young followers that they are not "permitted" to make their own list of personal life goals. The message seems to label being goal oriented as selfish or self centered.

2/ A sense that women are not encouraged to be "all that they can be"....but must simply become mothers of children and dress modestly. Some religious circles strongly frown on any sign of a "freedom loving" female agenda. Such religious groups refuse to spend money on educating the women in their congregation, and show an outright preference to sending the young men to higher educational places, but not the women.

3/ Some church communities frown on the use of certain medications. They seem to have the attitude that it shows a "lack of faith" to submit to the use of prescription medications suggested by "secular" doctors. This attitude has very dire results in some church communities, as those who are trying to please that church's leadership may wind up depriving their loved ones of lifesaving medications.

4/ Time gobbling.. There is no other way to describe some church community cultures. I have seen some Christian leaders apply extreme emotional pressure to their congregation until they feel obligated to spend many days of the week attending church meetings and other religious activities. These leaders refuse to acknowledge that when church attendance is so extreme, that other obligations in a normal family can go unattended, such as work duties, wealth building, education (both self led and formal) as well as regular housework. Such pastors are hungry for absolute control over their congregation and they perpetuate their control by having access to the presence and ears of their church members for as many days of each week as possible.This perpetuates a church culture in which the church members are chronically under-educated and mentally dull.
I believe that this deeply grieves God's Spirit, who rejoices when we embrace our own intellectual potential.

5/ A Disrespect for money. There has been much written on this subject. So I will keep it really short.
Some church leaders have no business experience and often limited formal education. Therefore, their personal understanding of finance, in both the personal and commercial realms, is extremely limited. Therefore, these pastors preach from a perspective of financial immaturity. If a pastor does not understand how money works, and does not respect the time and effort it takes to create wealth and maintain wealth;  the church members will discover that this pastor will not empower them to prosper. His or her messages will be filled with naivete and even a chronic disrespect for those who are rich. These type of church leaders often lift up those who live on little money as "more pious and spiritual" than those who are setting their sights on creating or maintaining wealth.
Ironically, it is often these very same immature pastors who are the first to walk up to a rich church member and apply extreme persuasion to try to apply guilt and manipulation to try to convince or force the rich church members to donate much of their wealth to that very same church.

Well, that's all for now folks. Sorry to write negative things. But some of these things still need to be understood.

If you choose to attend Christian churches, be blessed and do so with joy. However, be aware that you should never completely lower your guard, no matter where you worship. Do not let anyone, or any organization steal your time or your money, or your health. Make your own decisions with prayer and your own common sense. Don't be inordinately vulnerable to pastors and preachers....and always hold their advice up to the sniff test. If it don't smell right....toss it out.

In Peaceful productivity,
Carla.



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